February 8, 2010
By Roy Biancalana, Certified Life Coach
With February being the month of love, you will be bombarded with tips about romance and how to make your love life more fulfilling. And that’s fine. But what you’re unlikely to hear about, though, are the sinister forces at work that make a fulfilling love life impossible.
In my experience, love is like the sun – it’s there, it’s already shining. You don’t have to do anything to make the sun shine, you only have to remove the clouds in order to experience its brightness. Love is like that. It’s our natural state. It’s who we are. You and I don’t have to learn how to love as much as we need remove that which blocks it from naturally shining through our lives.
What are the “clouds” that block love from shining brightly through our lives? Well to answer that question, I want to quote an excerpt from my new book titled, “A Drink with Legs: From Being Hooked to Being Happy – A Spiritual Path to Relationship Bliss.”
The premise is this: All relationship pain and discord comes from relying on our partner, or a potential partner, to give us a sense of self, alleviate our loneliness, create a feeling of aliveness or to validate our worth. In other words, relationships don’t work because we’ve bought into the “You Complete Me” mindset made famous by the movie “Jerry Maguire.”
I believe this mindset is so prevalent and widespread (even in men – how do you explain porn, strip clubs lying to women about being married and Tiger Woods?) that I consider it an addiction. In fact, I call it “relationship addiction,” thus the title. Here is how I describe it in chapter 6 of my book…
“The central, underlying belief that allows [the “you complete me” mindset] to flourish, but yet is responsible for our misery, is the belief that a partner’s love is going to save us, heal us, make us happy or whole.
We must lose faith in the idea that love will end our loneliness and make us feel alive. We must lose faith that a partner’s love will make us happy, repair our wounded self-esteem [or validate our masculinity]. We must lose faith in a love “out there” that will make us feel whole, special, safe, seen and secure. As long as we have even a hint of faith in love, the very love we seek will always elude us.
Faith in love has to be shattered. It must be obliterated from your being. It is a cancer. If even a single cell of it remains in your consciousness, a happy, fulfilling relationship is an impossibility. We must understand that:
Jerry Maguire Was Full of Shit!
“You complete me” – we believe that crap!… Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the movie. But the notion, as romantic as it is, that we are incomplete and that another person can complete us, is simply a gross misperception of who we are as Spirit Beings. Soul needs Mate? Better needs Half? The needs One? It’s all a load of crap.
Here are a couple things [I’ve come] to see: First, the reason our relationships have been nightmares is because we believe it’s our partner’s role and responsibility to meet our needs, whether those needs are emotional, sexual, financial or spiritual. In a very real sense, we have a job description for them…And when they fail to come through for us, and meet our perceived needs, drama breaks out in the form of cheating, pouting, complaining, getting angry or feeling betrayed.
Here’s another realization…[As a former relationship addict myself], I had never been authentically in love – EVER, and neither have you if you’re at all hooked on love. No matter how often I felt like I was in love; no matter how often I said the words, “I love you,” to one of my partners, I never truly loved them because authentic love is a one-way street.
Love asks nothing, needs nothing and requires nothing. It needs no response, no return and no reason. Love has no strings, it has no memory, it incurs no debt and needs no vow. If need exists, love can’t. If want is present, love is absent. Love is not mutual. It is not a two-way street. It is freely given with no thought of reply. Love is unconditional. Always.
And the only way a person can love unconditionally is if they realize they are absolutely without need, that they are full and that they are complete. In other words, the only way a person can love authentically is if they know who they truly are as Spirit Beings.”
If you want your love life to flourish; if you want to experience the intimate communion that is possible between two human beings; if you want the sun to shine brightly through you, then I invite you to visit my website (www.coachingwithroy.com). There, you can learn more insights about love in my new book, which can be downloaded. Or you may buy the paperback. I truly hope you find it enlightening.
About the Author
Roy Biancalana is an author, life coach and former PGA Tour player. He is a regular contributor to the AccessRx.com blog and you can find all of his entries on his blog main page. Roy used his PGA Tour background to write a previous two-part entry about Getting In the Zone with your life.
You can reach Roy for advice by contacting him through email, his website or by phone…
roy@coachingwithroy.com
www.coachingwithroy.com
407-687-3387
Incoming search terms for the article:
Related posts:
- Love Like No One Is Watching By now you all know that I am a...
- The Best Love Songs of the Past 50 Years, 1962:Ray Charles – I Can´t Stop Loving You The best love song of the year 1962: Ray Charles...
- The Best Love Songs of the Past 50 Years, 1961: Elvis Presley – Are You Lonesome Tonight? The best love song of the year 1961: Elvis Presley...
- What’s Love Got To Do With It: Swinging vs. Polyamory Editor’s Note: At Sex 2.0, I attended an insightful session...
- Making Friends in the Swing Lifestyle When you explore your sexual identity, particularly if it involves...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
Title: "You Complete Me" Is a Load of $*@%
Submited by: admin
Category: sex tips
Added on: February 2nd, 2010
(No Ratings Yet)
Loading ...Views: 41 views
